Trying Times
by captainofswans
Summary: Like any other couples, Emma and Killian have their fallouts. But, could this one tear them apart for good? ('Reasons to Smile' verse)


_A/N: So, this was meant to be posted a loooong time ago. Probably a few weeks ago. I just got caught up in school again, so I've been kind of meaning to post it, and just haven't._

_But, alas, here it is—the fic inspired by Killian on that damned bench. I couldn't resist, if I'm being honest._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

><p>"I'm done with this conversation, Killian." Emma seethed, pointing her finger at him, "I can't deal with this right now."<p>

"Why do you shove people away, Emma?" Killian snapped, "I was just trying to help!"

"I don't want to get hurt again, alright?" Emma yelled, "Is that really a bad thing to be afraid of?"

"After I've promised you time after time that I'd never in the right state of mind leave you, you're still afraid I'm lying? That this is all a rouse?" Killian snarled, "I've tried everything, Emma-and let me tell you, I can't keep trying to get you to talk to me. I can't keep fighting like this."

"What are you saying?" Emma asked, her voice cracking a little.

"I don't know." Killian spoke with finality, "I love you, Emma, but all I've been doing for the past week is fight with you, and the boys can't see us like this."

"So, you're just going to run, like you always tell me not to?" Emma asked.

"I'm not going to run. I just... Need to be out of the house."

"It's almost midnight-"

"I'll work something out." Killian sighed, running a hand down his cheek, "I'll just see you in the morning, okay?"

Emma stared up at him, her eyes filling with tears. Killian couldn't look at her much longer-he had to leave before he decided to stay. So, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the door, into the frigid winter air.

It certainly wasn't a warm night in Storybrooke, and since the town was now on the map, there were no vacancies in Granny's. Killian walked towards the docks, considering staying on the Jolly for the night before remembering that Smee was likely staying there-he didn't feel like walking into that mess. In addition to that, Emma would find him with ease.

He knew he couldn't ask David to stay with him-if he made Emma upset, there was no way in hell he'd let Killian stay the night. Killian didn't blame him.

Sadly, Killian didn't have too many options, so he decided to simply sit on a bench to try and make a decision. As he sat, he only grew more frustrated, and with no other options, he gave the bench a few solid punches.

After he let off some steam, he thought about the words they'd spat at each other, the words laced with venom they didn't mean. He knew he hurt Emma-even if it was unintentional. Killian rubbed a hand down his face at the thought, wondering how she was faring. He hoped with all of his heart that she wasn't crying. If he'd made her cry... Well, there was no coming back from that.

Killian hoped she was alright.

* * *

><p>Emma sat on the couch and rubbed her hands down her face, then through her hair. Why did he have to be so difficult? Emma knew he was right about everything, but being wrong was harder than she'd thought. Hearing him say what he did was hard, especially coming from someone she trusted so much. She knew they were picking at everything they could to frustrate the other, but Killian knew how to really hit home-that's what frustrated her.<p>

But, it also reminded her that he knew her better than anyone else did. He understood her in a way not even she could understand herself. Killian may have snapped at her, but what he said was true.

She should have gone after him.

* * *

><p>Killian didn't intend on falling asleep on the bench, but that's where he found himself the next morning. He lazily sat up and glanced around at a rustling noise nearby. He raised a brow and prepared himself for an enemy, only to see Swan strolling down the dock. He sighed and laid back down, hoping he'd become invisible.<p>

"Killian?" Her voice cracked, making Killian close his eyes. He couldn't speak to her if she was crying. His bones ached far too terribly as it was-he didn't need to add his heart to that.

"Killian, did you sleep out here?" Emma asked softly, rounding the bench to look at him. He sighed and sat up, a strong shiver wracking his body.

"Aye." He nodded.

"You're going to get hypothermia, Killian." Emma said, "Why did you sleep here?"

"I was angry, and upset, and there was nowhere else to go." Killian sighed, "It was my only option."

Emma sat beside him on the bench, meeting his eyes.

"Killian, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm sorry I didn't come after you."

"It's alright, love." Killian spoke softly, "We were both out of line last night, and I needed to get away from the situation."

Emma took his hand in hers before glancing down at it and gasping.

"What happened to your knuckles?" She asked warily.

Killian looked away, avoiding her eyes entirely. He couldn't.

"Killian." She spoke softly, tilting his head to meet his eyes.

"I was frustrated." Killian replied almost inaudibly.

"We need to get you home," Emma spoke in a concerned tone, "You're freezing and your knuckles don't look too great. C'mon."

She tugged him up off the bench, wrapping her arms around him and bringing him down towards her Bug. As soon as he slipped in, she turned the car on, heat blaring through the vents. She drove them home in silence, and once they pulled up to the house, she took Killian's hand in hers.

"Killian, don't say anything to the boys, alright? I... I don't want them to know we were fighting." Emma spoke carefully.

"Aye, let's keep that to ourselves." Killian nodded.

"We do need to get you inside, though, and under some blankets." Emma spoke in a concerned tone, "And, your knuckles need to be wrapped."

As soon as they walked in, they were greeted by Liam.

"Papa, where were you this morning?" He asked curiously, giggling as Killian ruffled his curls.

"I was out by the docks." Killian spoke with a small smile, "I just needed to do some thinking."

"Oh."

"It's alright now, though." Killian replied.

"Killian, you go sit on the couch-I'll grab you a blanket and some cocoa."

"Are you sick?" Henry asked as he sat at the counter, eating breakfast.

"Ah, no. I just stayed outside too long with insufficient means of warmth." Killian explained, moving to lay on the couch. He was about to grab the throw blanket from the top of the couch before Emma draped a thicker quilt on top of him.

"I'll go make your cocoa-you stay put." She spoke firmly, to which Killian nodded.

He watched her make the drink in the kitchen, listening in on her conversation with the boys. He smiled when he heard her laughter-she hadn't laughed like that in a few days. He missed it.

"Here." Emma spoke softly, bringing the mug of cocoa over. She handed it to him and offered a quick smile before gently rubbing his cheek. He offered a sad smile in return, his heart warming when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Are you warmer?" She asked as she stood up straighter.

"A bit." Killian nodded, "Thank you, love."

"Let me grab some bandages, and I'll help you wrap your hand." Emma sighed, moving away from the couch and upstairs to their bathroom. Killian looked down to his knuckles, wincing a bit at the dried blood. He didn't realize how bad it looked.

"Can you sit up a little?" Emma asked, and Killian obliged. She took his hand in hers, causing Killian to wince harder.

"Sorry." She mumbled, carefully starting to wrap his hand. They were silent as the boys chatted behind them, completely lost in their own world.

"There." She sighed, gently patting his hand, "You're all patched up."

"Thank you." Killian replied softly.

"Can we talk later? When the boys are out fishing with Leroy?"

"Of course." Killian nodded.

* * *

><p>Later that morning, once the boys were out the door with Leroy, Emma and Killian sat on their patio in silence. Neither really wanted to speak, but Killian supposed he ought to try.<p>

"I'm, um, sorry, about last night, Emma." He offered quietly, "I shouldn't have said what I did, and I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean for you to sleep out on the street last night." Emma spoke softly, "You know I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I was alright." Killian sighed, "More frustrated than anything."

"With me?" Emma asked in a tone that broke Killian's heart.

"With both of us." Killian replied, meeting her eyes, "I know we said things we didn't mean, but it isn't like that was the first time that happened. I don't know what's happened to us, Swan."

"I don't either." Emma spoke softly. Killian looked down, then out to the ocean.

"Maybe... Maybe we just need some time alone." Killian suggested.

"Killian, I-"

"I could take the Jolly out for a few days, sail around and clear my mind-"

"I want you to stay." Emma interrupted, causing Killian's mouth to drop open a little, "Please stay."

"Emma, I want to-terribly. I just... We've fought non-stop all week." Killian sighed, "I don't want to be away from you, but there doesn't seem to be another option."

Emma chewed her lip before running a hand through her hair.

"Fine." She spoke nearly inaudibly before turning to him, "What do I tell the boys?"

"Just tell them I'm taking a trip on the Jolly. They don't need to know the specifics." Killian replied.

"Are you leaving now?" Emma asked as Killian rose to his feet.

"It'll be easier while they're still out with Leroy." Killian spoke softly, rubbing the back of his neck. Emma offered a small nod, staying frozen in her place for only a few moments as Killian sulked inside. He walked up the stairs-which seemed like much more of a trek than usual. His bones felt heavy, his heart and head felt the same-heaviness seemed to consume him.

Once he made it to their room, he dug out a small suitcase from under the bed and began packing it with shirts and pants. As he packed, he felt arms come around his torso from behind. He paused in place and closed his eyes, taking in Emma's warmth.

He couldn't leave her. Not even for a few days.

"Emma." He whispered.

"Killian, please don't leave." She replied softly. He could tell by the infliction of her voice that she'd been crying, and he hated that more than anything.

"Stay with me, please." She repeated, "I don't want to keep fighting you, but I can't let you do this."

Killian carefully turned around to meet her, his suspicions made clear when he saw how reddened Emma's eyes were. He gently rubbed his thumb under each of her eyes before offering a small smile.

"I don't want to leave, Emma."

"Then, don't." She whispered.

"We can't keep fighting like this, love."

"I know." Emma nodded.

"But, I know us," Killian spoke with a small smile, "You and I-we can work through this. It might get tough, but that's what we've got each other for, yes?"

"Yes." Emma spoke with a choked laugh. Killian pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her tight. He took a deep breath, breathing in the florally (familiar) scent of her hair. He pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head, holding it close to his chest.

"I love you, Killian. I know we fight and yell at each other, but I love you."

"Never doubt that I love you as well, my dear Emma." Killian whispered, "You are everything to me, love. I'd hate to lose that over something so trivial."

"Me too."

"Promise me something?" Killian asked, gently tugging away and setting his hand on her shoulder.

"What?"

"Promise me you'll tell me sooner, next time I've done something stupid?" Killian spoke with a gentle smile, making Emma giggle.

"I will."


End file.
